There’s nothing more unique to your identity than your name. It’s one thing that everyone knows about you and you will almost certainly see it written down or be called it at least once in the day.
Why is this important?
If you have a name that’s native to the country you live in or it’s ‘perceived’ as easy to remember, you may not know the feeling of having your name constantly mispronounced and how that can challenge your identity at a fundamental level.
I heard a story recently of someone who started a company at the same time as someone else. They were both ethnic minorities, but they were from different cultural backgrounds and they had entirely different names. The only thing in common was that their names started with the same letter, yet they were constantly confused for each other and received emails meant for the other – it was beyond embarrassing. Yet it carried on.
As this BBC article points out – we should be asking ourselves ‘what message do we send when we get people’s names wrong?’. You are not only challenging their identity but also giving out the message that their name is too hard to get right; that putting in the mental energy into ensuring you pronounce the name correctly just isn’t worth it.
Is it really that hard?
I laughed at this interview clip where American comedian Hasan Minhaj talks about making up an entirely different name at Starbucks – I know that feeling well (I often give a nickname or give the name of the person I’m buying a coffee with, rather than give my real name). Hasan also makes a good point that there are difficult names that we do get right (I often think about footballers with unusual names) so ultimately, we can get names right, when it matters to us.
How we can be a lot more skilful in getting someone’s name right
Here are some simple tips to getting this right. My number one tip is to simply ask the person how their name is pronounced and clarifying what would they like to be called (rather than assume it’s ok to shorten it, if they have a long name). We shouldn’t be scared or nervous to do that – they will really appreciate that you’re taking the time to get it right.
Five top tips
- Ask the person how to say their name and refrain from making comments that it’s difficult or asking if they have considered a nickname to make it easier for people.
- View this as your responsibility to get right and, if necessary, practice saying their name on your own.
- Don’t ignore someone because you’re not sure how to pronounce their name.
- Listen to how others say it – the people who are close to the individual will almost be certainly saying it correctly.
- Take a couple of seconds to pause, to consciously consider how to say someone’s name before you say it (and especially if there’s a risk you will get them mixed up with someone else).
Don’t worry, you won’t need to consciously think about it every time – eventually it will become subconscious, and you will just know the name without thinking of it.
What to do if someone gets your name wrong
You shouldn’t feel guilty about correctly someone – so feel empowered to correct someone and try to do it in a way that doesn’t embarrass them, perhaps in a 1:1 situation, but it will depend on the relationship you have with them.
I love the idea of adding an audio clip to your LinkedIn/Twitter profile or internal work profile so others can hear the correct pronunciation.
Ultimately your name is distinct, it’s a core part of you and you should be proud of it.
For anyone reading this with someone around them (i.e. in their team) who has a more unusual name – let’s switch the dialogue up from ‘it’s too difficult to get right’ to ‘it’s my priority to get someone’s name right’. You’ll make the person’s day, and they will instantly feel more included as a result.
Inclusion Now 